How the 18-40-60 Rule Can Conquer Negativity, Anxiety, and Worry

This single piece of insight into human nature is so powerful it can literally change your life. It can help you reduce negativity, anxiety, and worry while increasing self-esteem, joy, and overall happiness.

Here’s how to put this rule into action in your own life no matter how old you are.

WHY YOU WORRY ABOUT WHAT OTHERS THINK OF YOU

There’s good reason why we are concerned about how other people view us. Social relationships are critical to our health, happiness, and overall well-being.

In fact, studies have found that close relationships are the most consistent predictor of happiness. For example, a decades-long study by Harvard University concluded that meaningful social connections have a more powerful influence on health and happiness than money or success.

Neuroimaging studies reveal that negative feedback leads to chemical responses in the brain.  Other scientific findings indicate that fear of criticism is heightened in people who struggle with social anxiety.

Indeed, some people become overly concerned about what other people think of them. You may be one of them.

For example, are you one of those people who spends a lot of time fretting about what to wear at work or on Zoom calls? Do you replay every stupid thing you said in a meeting or a conversation and think of what you should have said instead?

On social media, do you only post the most flattering images of yourself or add filters to hide what you perceive as flaws so others will find you more attractive and likeable?

Constantly seeking validation from others or worrying what your friends, family, coworkers, and social media followers think of you can be exhausting.

It makes us more critical of ourselves, causes us to focus on our flaws (real or perceived), and zaps our self-confidence. Ultimately, it’s a recipe for unhappiness and leads to toxic perfectionism.

With social media, this issue has become inflated. And teens and young adults especially are more concerned than ever with what others think. Not getting enough “likes” or comments on a post can send people into a tailspin of negative thoughts that contribute to mental health conditions, including symptoms of anxiety and depression.

According to the latest statistics, more than one in five adolescents say they’ve experienced symptoms of depression or anxiety. Even more alarming is the fact that suicide rates among those ages 10-24 increased 62% from 2007 to 2021.

Some people are so concerned about how others view them they have what’s called rejection sensitive dysphoria. This condition, which is often associated with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), is characterized by having severe emotional reactions to the slightest critiques.

Being overly concerned about letting others down can be so detrimental that it holds you back and prevents you from taking chances in life.

HOW NEGATIVE THINKING INCREASES WORRYING ABOUT WHAT OTHERS THINK OF YOU

When you’re overly concerned with how other people perceive you, it can fill your mind with automatic negative thoughts, or ANTs. The same way an infestation of ants can ruin a picnic a barrage of ANTs can ruin your day.

At Amen Clinics, the brain heath experts have identified nine types of ANTs, including a type called Mind-Reading ANTs.

These negative thoughts make you believe you can know what others are thinking and feeling without them saying anything. When you have Mind-Reading ANTs you may think, “Everyone thinks I am stupid,” or “They are laughing at me.”

Even trained psychiatrists with 25 years of education can’t know what anyone else is thinking unless they ask. A glance in your direction doesn’t mean somebody is talking about you or mad at you. A negative look from someone else may mean nothing more than he or she is constipated! You just don’t know. 

Trying to read people’s minds can fill you with more negativity and worries about what they are thinking. It’s a vicious cycle that keeps you mired in anxious thoughts.

CONQUER NEGATIVE THINKING WITH THE 18-40-60 RULE

It’s a shame the 18-40-60 rule isn’t taught in schools. Think how much happier and less stressed you might have been if you had known this earlier.

Fortunately, you don’t have to wait until your 60th birthday to put 18-40-60 rule into practice. You can implement it in your life at any age. When you keep this rule in mind, it helps you eliminate those pesky Mind-Reading ANTs.

Whenever the idea pops into your head that someone else thinks you aren’t good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, or funny enough, ask yourself if it’s true or just an ANT.

In addition, post the 18-40-60 rule somewhere you can see it every day—by your computer, in the Notes app on your phone, or on a little piece of paper in your handbag, backpack, or wallet.

The next time you start worrying about what other people are thinking about you, look at it and remind yourself that most people are thinking about themselves, not about you.